Health, Happiness, Friends, Family

This is a public apology to my dear friend Lisa who I mention often in my blog posts. Lisa has a beautiful home full of enviable furniture, fixtures and fittings. It is her pride and joy and rightly so. On Sunday evening after having had a few drinks in her local pub she invited me back to her house. This is unfortunately where I embarked upon a catalogue of disasters that has earned me the title of Farsley's answer to Frank Spencer.

On arrival as I was respectfully removing my shoes in her hall way I accidentally broke the glass in one of her picture frames. In all fairness it wasn’t entirely my fault, I was simply straightening the glass after another friend had leant against it.

I later went to the toilet where I broke the light fitting by yanking the cord a little too hard. I tried to conceal the evidence by handing the decorative bit that had fallen off to her boyfriend, but it was too late, I’d been rumbled.

The final nail in the coffin was when my piece of pizza accidentally slid off my plate, sauce side down, onto her brand new sofa. I think this went unnoticed but I decided it was time for me to leave before I did anymore damage. What can I say, I am a clumsy oaf. Please forgive me.

That night I dreamt that I was meant to be sleeping at Lisa’s house but I’d left a trail of grated cheese all over the carpets so she made me sleep in her car!

Lisa – I urge you to remember the conversation we were having earlier in the evening about the things that truly matter, health, happiness, friends and family. Please email me the measurements of the piece of glass and I will go to B & Q to get a replacement or alternatively I could come round with some super glue? I am very sorry.